Being Found: The Path of A Lost Boy
by ShellyStark
Summary: Killian Jones: Pirate Captain, womanizer, blacksmith and occasional villain was deep down only a lost boy wishing for death to take him away from his pain. Until a golden haired, red leather donning princess came into view and he began to find the will to live again. Rating change for some language.
1. Chapter 1

**Great Fire**

Killian Jones had always had a fondness for the colour red. The way it hugged the curves of his ship, the way it glistened on his blade after a fight from a worthy foe, while sailing towards the sun on an early morn.

And then there was Milah. Oh, how he loved the colour red on Milah and it seemed to agree with her as well.

But that was long ago, for Hook hated the colour and shed his red vest trading it in for a black one as soon as the sun set on that ill-fated day. Lost in a state of forever mourning. And mourn he did, for some odd three hundred years during a trip or two to the place they called Neverland, the home of the lost boys.

Those bloody lost boys, always causing a raucous and wreaking havoc on his beloved ship. He quickly gained popularity as a cantankerous pirate Captain and would threaten the boys as soon as they would set foot on deck. Of course he would never bring harm to a child, especially ones with such loss and longing in their eyes; he only wanted a moment's peace to seek out his revenge on the Crocodile. But there is always one in the group isn't there? One who squeezes their way in despite your efforts to keep them out. Not that Hook tried hard to do so.

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* * *

His breath caught in his throat the moment he saw the boy; mop full of brown hair and eyes to match, his clothes battered from his recent life of hiding in the woods. There was no denying his identity for he held the same pique of curiosity that she had. The same fire, a great fire within his eyes for adventure.

The boy never caused trouble with the rest, he just sat back and watched with a smirk as Hook shooed them away aimlessly from the bow of the Jolly Roger.

Eventually that Pan boy and his pixie showed up and gave the boys something else to chase and bother, all of them but the one that was haunting Hook's past.

"You might as well come aboard, lad," the pirate droned, his eyes staring out at the setting sun. Hook heard the soft footsteps upon the wooden planks approaching him from behind and he closed his eyes with a sigh.

"I…I know who you are," the boy whispered, twisting his hands together.

"Aye lad, I remember you as well," Hook replied, keeping his eyes straight ahead, not ready to face the memories head on just yet.

The boy was silent for a time with the exception of shuffling feet moving slowly over to his side. He could feel a pair of young eyes occasionally glancing up at him, yet still he said nothing. Not for a while anyway.

"W-why did you do it? Why did you take her away?" the lad's voice was barely audible, carried into his ears only by the aid of the wind.

Hook scoffed, his eyes finally wandering over to him, orbs of blue landing on a pooling shade of chestnut. "Is that what he told you," Hook leaned closer to his face, "_that I took her_?"

The boy nodded quickly, taking a stumbling step back.

Hook pushed out a dark laugh and ran his hand through his hair, pinching the bridge of his nose. He took a moment to collect his breath before addressing him again.

"Your mother chose to be with me, lad. She wanted a life of adventure and fell in love with the sea, something your father couldn't give to her." Hook licked his lips and sighed at the memory at his lost Milah. "But she loved you, very much. There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't tell me some tale of your youth."

The boy took a step closer and cocked his head in curiosity, "Did you love her?"

Hook smiled down at the boy, something he wasn't aware he knew how to do anymore, "Aye lad, I believe I did." He jerked his head towards the Captain's quarters, "I have something you might like, stay here."

Hook returned and took a knee, placing a small object in his palm and folding his fingers over it. The lad uncurled his hand to reveal the matching earing that dangled in the pirate's ear and the Captain grinned.

"It's not much, but it's what I've got." Hook stood and smirked at the boy who was still staring at the small token in his palm with wide eyes. Fast as a blink his legs were enveloped by a pair of small arms and Hook felt a clenching in his chest. He patted the lad's back awkwardly with his hand and gave his hair a ruffle when he released him.

"So, how'd you get to Neverland anyway? There's not exactly a road map." Hook arched a brow and crossed his arms over his chest.

"There was a portal, father was to come with me, to the land without magic," the lad's voice dropped and his eyes fell to the deck, "but he turned to his cowardice and let me go and I wished to go to a place where he could never find me." He looked back up at Hook, "I ended up here, and then years later, so did you." He nodded to the Captain's hook, "Is my father responsible for that as well?"

"Aye, lad, he is." He felt a compassion for the boy, both Milah and her son had been let down by that coward of a crocodile and both had found solace in the company of a pirate.

"Can…can I stay here? On the ship, I mean. I don't exactly fit in with all the other boys."

Hook raised a brow, his instincts telling him to send the lad away but something stronger telling him that this was Milah's blood and what type of man would he be to expel him from his mother's second home.

"You'd have to work hard, no funny business. On my ship I make the demands, you follow them," he said in a firm tone.

The boy straightened up his back and nodded vigorously.

"Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Yes _?" Hook drew out.

The boy's eyes darted around the deck until they reached Hooks face, "Um, Sir…Captain…Yes, Captain!"

Hook smirked and ruffled his hair, "There's a good, lad. Now run along, fetch your things. Be sure to get plenty of rest, we'll have many a busy day ahead of us if I'm to teach you to be a proper pirate."

.

* * *

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**A/N: First off this is my first OUAT fic, but I'm no stranger to fic. I apoligize if our dear Killian is a little OOC but this is early Milah mourning and hi is still a bit mopey. This was intended to be a CS one shot that ran away...there isn't even any Emma here, so obviously I'll continue. So Here is my theory, If Nealfire knows Hook and turned out to be a thief...um hello...PIRATE! Hook might as well be his second father. So yeah, I have unresolved Bae/Hook feels. I'm a firm CS shipper, but I don't hate Neal. Sure I hate what he did to Emma, but from that poor kid had a rough childhood. As for Milah...I don't know how I feel about Milah. Did she do wrong by leaving her family behind? Yes. Do I blame her...not really. Did she deserve to die for it? Probably not. I have all the feels for my poor Killy though :( Even if he is a bit on the warpath for Rumple. END RANT and apologies for this hideously long AN but shits needed to be said. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Consequences**

It was supposed to be a simple task; get the women to trust him, learn of this Storybrooke and gain passage back there with Cora. But then he made eye contact with that bloody Swan girl. Emma, with her red leather coat and golden hair. His eyes almost welled up at the flashes of Milah that passed before his eyes. She went and made it more complicated for him by not buying into his rouse either. She wasn't having any of this talk of him being a blacksmith talk and was quick to lash him to a tree. She was a fighter by nature and full of passion for what she deemed worthy. The place where his broken heart lie clenched at the thought that he once had someone like her by his side.

She whistled for the ogres and he genuinely began to panic. Not because he was afraid to die, no, as he saw it he had died long ago. It was because he would be damned if she was going to leave him there to get torn apart without him getting to skin his crocodile. At least one of the other women was trying to save his life.

"What if he's telling the truth?!" she asked almost in a pleading manner.

"He's not," Emma deadpanned and kept a headstrong march forward. He admired her ferocity; he also wanted desperately to be rid of his bonds. He dropped the whiney voice and congratulated her for besting him with a lowly smirk. It got her to stop in her tracks and for that he was grateful.

"I can count the amount of people who've done that on one hand."

"Is that supposed to be funny?" she accused him, stalking over to him as he pulled against the ropes.

"Who are you?" she demanded and the pirate let out a sigh.

He didn't know why he did it. He could have simply said Hook and had it done and over with; after all it had been what he had gone by for the last few hundred years. Surely his reputation preceded him. But no, that bloody wrenching in his chest was back and he blurted it out without much thought at all.

"Killian Jones." He silently cursed the words as soon as they passed through his lips and continued speaking, hoping she'd forget the name. Killian Jones was a man of the past, Killian Jones had died on the deck of his ship the day they set sail for Neverland. "But most people have taken to calling me by my more colourful moniker…Hook."

Her eyebrows rose and she took a step closer. "As in Captain Hook?"

He grinned, so the leather clad beauty had known of him after all. "Ah, so you've heard of me."

The ogres groaned and rustled through the trees by the sound of it they didn't have more than a few minutes at best.

"You better hurry up, they're getting closer. So unless you wanna be dinner you better start talking," she demanded in a hushed voice

And so he told him of Cora's grand plans and of the sparkly dirt, or wardrobe ashes as now knew them to be. When they went to leave him again with no regard to his impending death by dismemberment he cried out in a tone that he hadn't heard escape his throat in a long time.

Fear.

Fear he would never get the chance to seek his revenge, fear that all his time in Neverland had been for naught.

He quickly divulged the information of the compass to the golden haired lass and even went as far as to agree to help them get the ashes from Cora. After all she was much better to look at.

.

* * *

.

Hook almost felt like his old self as they conversed, haphazardly making flirtatious eyes at her as they climbed, paired with his witty remarks. Naturally she brushed him off. She had been a wounded lass, with thick walls guarding her heart. Walls that would not easily be penetrated. He even dared so much as to ask her about love; her delay in her response was enough to tell him that her reply was a lie. Hook didn't need her special ability to tell when she wasn't being truthful to him, all he needed to do was take one look into her hazel eyes and she told him everything without so much as uttering a single sound. Speech isn't necessary for the tongue of a lost boy, or girl for that matter. They were open books. One glance into their eyes and you could read the pain that was etched onto their souls.

Emma had a troubled soul, and something stirred deep inside him wanting to aid her in soothing the wounds that lied there. Hook wanted to skewer himself at the thought, he'd barely known this woman a day and now he was wanting to help her? No, a broken pirate had no business helping a stranger from a distant land, let alone one that was slowly working her way beneath his skin.

She was bleeding by the time they reached the top, snagged on one of those bloody thorns no doubt, and now she was being stubborn still about letting him assist her.

.

* * *

The Captain snagged her wrist with his hook and Emma ignored the small bit of excitement that ran through her spine. _No. I will not give in to his charm and wit. I will not let him in._ she thought to herself as he drew out a flask and pulled out the cork with his teeth. He proceeded to pour the liquid over her hand and she jerked her hand away with a cry of pain.

"Ah! What the hell is that?!"

"It's rum, and a bloody waste of it," he replied, holding up her wrist and getting a closer look at her cut. Hook removed the scarf from his neck and began to wrap it around her palm.

"Now here's the plan: wait for the giant to fall asleep, and when he does we'll sneak past him into his cave. That's where his treasures are, where the compass lies."

He lowered his head and grasped the end of the fabric with his mouth, his lips brushing her knuckles only slightly. They were soft, and sent a chill throughout her, the fact that his ocean blue eyes never left hers as his mouth assisted his hand in securing the scarf didn't help matters any.

"And then?" she asked, trying to break the quietness between them.

Hook finished by tucking the last strand of scarf into the top of the fabric but kept hold of her hand. "And then we run like hell," he said simply.

"I don't have time for a giant to fall asleep. The powder Mulan gave us, we need to use it. We gotta knock him out," she pressed.

"Well that's riskier." He finally released her hand and let it hover in the space between them.

"Than waiting for a giant to fall asleep when we need him to?"

"Point taken."

He smiled at her then, a stomach churning smile that made her knees week and it took everything she had not to crack a grin back at him. She blinked a few times and willed the feeling away.

"Ooh, you're a tough lass." He reached into the satchel and pulled out the powder and offered it to her, her eyes catching a heart tattoo on the inside of his forearm with a dagger going through the middle. "You'd make a hell of a pirate."

Emma took the sack from him and her eyes traveled back down to his arm, "Who is Milah? In the tattoo?"

Hook glanced down, his arrogance disappearing in an instant as he shook down his sleeve. "Someone from long ago," he muttered. Even his voice had lost its charming lilt that she had become accustomed to in the past day.

"Where is she?" she asked gently, pressing her luck even more.

"She's gone," the pirate answered flatly, brushing past her and heading towards the giant's home.

There was more to this faux blacksmith than he led on, he wasn't just some tyrant of a ship Captain that pillaged and hunted for treasure. He had love in his life once, love that had been lost in a terrible way. She recognized that pain in his voice, for it was all too familiar.

"Gold," she called over her shoulder to him and he froze, his head tilting down and nodding slightly. "Rumplestilskin. He took more from you than your hand didn't he?"

He turned to her then, a hard look in his steel colored eyes.

"That's why you want to kill him," she continued."

"For someone who's never been in love, you're quite perceptive aren't you?" he snidely replied.

She honestly felt bad for him then. She had been betrayed by the one she had loved but Hook, Hook had had the one he loved taken from him by force.

"Maybe I was in love. Once." _What the hell is wrong with me? _she thought to herself. _I don't know him; I shouldn't be sharing anything with him! He's a pirate for god's sake!_ But she had told him anyway, because he had that look of hurt behind his once brilliant and shining eyes and she only wanted that back. But why? Why did she want that back so badly? What did it matter to her that this pirate she barely knew had loved and lost? So was the way of life for most people. But he had seen through her all along, he was able to see through her wall and slowly he was tearing it down.

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* * *

.

"Swan! SWAN! SWAN!" Hook yelled after the woman but she kept walking briskly away from him. He had seen the flash of regret behind her eyes when she stuttered out that nonsense.

"_I…I can't take a chance that I'm wrong about you." _ The words stung him, probably more than they should have. He had trusted her so easily and at the drop of a hat she abandoned him at the mercy of a giant. She had told him upon their first meeting that she could tell when people were lying, if that were true than surely she saw the truth behind his eyes when he demanded her look to look at him. His voice waivered at the request and even he heard the weakness in it. The begging of a man fragmented and torn. Pirates don't beg, yet there he was, pleading with the flaxen haired lass.

He sighed and slumped down against the pillar, his chest heaving with each rattling breath. Not hours ago she was pulling him back from that trip wire; her arms tightly around his waist if only for a moment. Hook took the opportunity to swoop in and gather her in his arms as well, shamelessly turning on the charm.

"_It's about bloody time."_

The seconds might as well been hours, or days at that matter. It had been centuries since Hook had held a woman in his arms. Hook was no fool, he knew how to play the cards and Killian Jones for that matter…well dear old Killian was a force for women to be reckoned with. Many women at that. As for Hook; he played his part as blacksmith well. Kept quiet and to himself, was polite and did share a meal or two with the occasional woman, but he simply wasn't interested. And along came that bloody Swan girl. With her fiery attitude and leather to match.

He remembered how her hair flowed like silk through his fingers, and her jacket was cool to the touch. He wanted more, he wanted to run his fingertips down the planes of her cheeks and taste the inevitable sweetness beyond her lips.

He groaned and kicked his boot out along the floor. "You bloody fool!" he cursed to himself. "She left you here, left you here to fend for yourself while she runs back to her beloved Storybrooke." Hook sighed. "And here I thought that wall was finally chipping away."

Maybe he wouldn't even bother climbing down that beanstalk when the giant finally came round to set him free. Maybe he would in fact let him _crush his bones_ after all. Cora sure as bloody hell wouldn't be happy if she caught up with him and the chances of catching the Swan girl were thin.

No.

He made a promise to himself and he very well intended to keep it. He would track down the lass and they would go back to her land. Twice she had bested him, he would not allow it again, he would be sure that much was clear.

What he wasn't expecting was Cora waiting for him at the bottom and he had been right, she wasn't exactly pleased to see him.

* * *

It was a matter of keeping alive now, just to get back to Storybrooke. He felt a twinge of remorse that he would be giving up his aiding Emma if he gave in to Cora, but he had the feeling that the lass would find her own way back to her son.

"You chose her, and the consequences of that decision," Cora had smirked.

She was right, he did choose her, and it didn't take long either. As for the consequences, well…they were beginning to feel all too familiar.

He told her he could get it back, that she needed him after she had threatened to leave him behind with his thirst for vengeance. Cora only laughed and left him behind in a cloud of purple smoke to fall in the dirt. Again he had been bested, the third time today by a woman, more times than ever in any of his pirate adventures.

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* * *

He had walked for a steady hour or two, deciding to go after Swan after all. She would be difficult to deal with but he was running out of options. Besides if Cora caught up to them first he couldn't bear to think of the consequences.

_You chose her, and the consequences of that decision. _Her voice rang out in his head and he picked up the pace. He had to get to them first. No doubt they would be stopping to rest; if he hurried he should reach them within a few hours. Hopefully it wouldn't be too late.

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* * *

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**A/N: I apologize for the repetitiveness of Tallahassee, but it's going to be that way until they veer from that path. I'll add some extra time for them in SB I love me some CS hospital scenes, so yeah, I'm sorry, but it's a point in their past that needs to be done. I can't just skip it or else it wouldn't be a path now would it? Now...whose excited about the Tamara/Neal news! Even if most of us knew it was coming it makes it all that much better to have it official. Thanks to all you lovlies for reviewing, and my fabulous guest reviewer. And all you followers...don't be shy, perhaps if you drop a word or two in that box Killy will come out and shamelessly flirt with you.  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Kindling**

Pirate. There wasn't much that was very gentlemanly about that, how could there be, he had ripped the heart out the chest of a princess, and for what? So Cora wouldn't leave him behind? He was no better a man than the one he sought revenge over. But the Swan girl would live; he made her promise him that much. _So he had gone soft and had become a coward…wonderful._

Now he was standing here yet again before her. Emma's stormy eyes pleading for him to help them. He felt a flash of anger towards her for abandoning him at the top of that beanstalk, for not trusting him as he did her and he told her as such, feeding her some speech about a withered up old bean.

"The time for making deals is done, just as I'm done…with you." The words were bitter in his mouth and now it was dear Emma's turn to look betrayed. Cora on the other hand looked pleased as he turned on his heel and left them trapped there without another word. He had made good with the witch, attained a heart for her to control until she regained the compass; but now the levity of his decision to give up his search for the woman in the woods was weighing on him. She was going to leave them there, with no way to escape. Left to die in a hole in the ground.

* * *

"You said no harm would come to her!" Hook snapped as soon as they were out of ear shot. "You gave me your word!"

Cora's lips twisted into a grin, "And I kept true to what I said. I did nothing to harm her or the others."

"They're trapped in that cell," Hook snarled, "one you said The Dark One himself couldn't escape!"

Cora merely shrugged. "Oh, well I guess nature will just have to take its course. Such a pitiful way to go if I must say so myself."

Hook let out a yell and drew his sword, brandishing it towards her neck but finding himself soon thrown up against a tree. He groaned in pain, getting up to his knees and crawling over to where his weapon landed.

"So persistent," Cora smirked, waving her arm and sending him soaring back once more.

"We made a deal!"

"We've made a few of those, and as I recall you broke the first one the minute you _choose her_. Tell me, Hook, what were your plans after accompanying her to Storybrooke? Hmmm? Kill Rumplestilskin and sweep her off her feet. I don't think she'd take too kindly to that. Besides what business does a lowly pirate have with a princess?"

Hook's eyes widened slightly, his mouth dropping open.

The corner of Cora's mouth twitched. "What? You didn't know. That the trouble maker that you chose over me is the sweet little product of Snow White and Prince Charming." Cora swayed over to him and knelt do his level, bringing her face close to his. "You might have chosen her, but she'd never choose you."

The flame that had been kindling inside of him had just been snuffed out at her remark. He didn't deserve a bloody thing from any woman. The only one that he had wanted to protect had ended up dead in his arms and took his own heart with her. Life hadn't been worth living and now in this moment he realized it still wasn't. The only thing that made his heart even beat was the thought of getting his revenge, and he would not be changing the course of his sails now.

"Get up. We need to keep moving," Cora waved her wrist airily, already leaving him behind.

He stood but found no will to move, looking back towards the cave that held the cell. Dead inside or not he still felt it wrong to leave them to their deaths. The lass did say she had a son.

He thought of Bae and a small smile flickered its way onto his face. The boy was cunning and had managed to best even him on the odd occasion. Hook had almost felt guilty when he had left him behind in Neverland; for what he had planned for the Crocodile he would never wish the boy to see. He was still the lad's father after all, monster or not.

"Time is of the essence, Captain!" Cora hollered after him.

Hook sighed, dusting off his hands and following after the wretched woman. "Good luck, love," he whispered with one final glance over his shoulder; hoping that somehow they would at least find a way to gain their freedom.

.

* * *

This was it, he was finally going to this new land to get his revenge on his sweet Milah and his thirst for blood would finally be quenched. He emptied the vial of 'sparkly dirt' into the now revived waters of Lake Nostos and watched as it became a vortex of purple and blue hues. He placed his hand over the top of the compass and felt a small weight lift from his chest. _Soon, love, soon,_ he thought as his fingers curled around the edges.

There was a strong kick against his palm and the compass went flying out of his hands and somewhere into the sand.

"You're not going anywhere, the portals taking us home!" her voice yelled from across the gap.

Hook suppressed the grin that he felt building behind his lips. _There's a good lass, so she made it out after all._

Naturally she'd charge after him, after all that built up tension between them he was glad that she did. It would feel good to spar with her. Shame it wasn't on different terms.

Oh, and he did enjoy it! The pleasurable clang of hardened steel against steel, the eagerness in which she came at him, her form wasn't even half bad to boot. He couldn't resist the opportunity to flip her over into the sand, but as he grabbed hold her leg to pull her to him the fire in her eyes vanished and was replaced by unadulterated fear and her gaze was fixed over the portal. He saw the small satchel containing the princess' heart coming down into the whirlpool.

He wouldn't be responsible for something like this again, not when he could avoid it.

Using Emma's leg as leverage, he leaned over the portal and caught the satchel with his hook. He released the Swan girl and tossed the parcel to the woman that has been helping Snow White fend off Cora. She looked back at him with wide eyes. _That's right lass, still ever the gentleman._ When he turned back to continue on with Emma he saw that she had scurried off and reclaimed her sword and was now standing guard.

"I _may be a pirate_, _but_ I bristle at the thought of a woman losing heart, unless it's over me." Hook tilted his head. Oh, if only they knew how true those words rang.

She was coming back at him now, accusing him of having a soft side. _Only for you, darling,_ his mind replied while his mouth uttered something cocky. Emma made the move to kick at him again and his hook snagged around her ankle and once more he had her in the sand, only this time she was pinned. Her sword between his own and his hook as he slowly slid down its length with a sly grin.

"Normally, I prefer to do other more enjoyable activities with a woman on her back. With my life on the line you've left me no choice." Hook bounced his eyebrows, grinning as he came in closer to her, so close he could feel her chest rise and fall with every breath. It was beginning to stir more feelings than the clenching he had in his chest on the beanstalk, or the worry of her safety. This was a different pull entirely, a feeling of want, of need. Oh yes, he wanted her, badly. For the first time in three hundred years Killian Jones needed to feel this woman beneath him.

_No, Killian is gone now. Only Hook remains, _he quickly reminded himself, pressing further into the stormy eyed beauty beneath him.

"A bit of advice? When I jab you with my sword you'll feel it."

Emma's eyebrows jumped at his words and he'd be damned if she didn't twitch slightly under his hips.

"You might want to quit." He suggested with a smirk.

"Why would I do that," she breathed lifting the compass from the sand, "when I'm winning."

She took the advantage of his surprise to push him back onto his feet and managing to block his sword on its way down.

Hook managed to swing her sword around his and bring it back down and he had a moment when he could have gained the upper hand; but then their eyes met. He had to let her go. This was a mother wanting to get back to her child. Milah had given up her son so easily, yes she missed him dearly but she still gave him up. This woman would do anything to get back to her boy.

He lessened his grip and knew that she felt it. Emma tilted her head in confusion, to which he simply raised his eyebrows and gave her a half smile of defeat. Emma glanced down at the compass, tightening her grip on the object before her fiery eyes came into contact with his.

"Thanks!" She ground out.

"Anytime, love," he whispered, forgetting the fact that he just might have given up his revenge for this woman he only just met. He still wanted her, he needed her, and somehow he would have her.

Her hit came fast and hard and his world went black. His mind thinking of the unorthodox princess that had come along and started to awaken his heart.

.

* * *

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**A/N: Well I guess not a dang soul liked the beanstalk chapter...maybe two of you...I hope you like this one better, I tried to stay away from the pre written episode and did it as in in head thing. But the good news...The next time he sees Emma is at the crash site. So I get to take my liberties from there. Thank god for that! I do hope you're so inclined to leave me a review, it makes my shipper heart oh so happy.**

**Shelly**


	4. Chapter 4

**Crocodiles and Swans**

It felt good to be back on his ship, standing atop the sails, wind blowing on his face as this new land came into view.

Storybrooke.

Good thing he kept hold of that dried up old bean. Turns out it wasn't worthless after all, it was still magical and full of hope; just like that bloody Swan girl. He needed to see her, but first things first; he had a crocodile to skin. If only that blasted witch of a woman would stop getting in his way.

"If you go off half-cocked after an empowered Rumplestilskin, do you know what will happen?"

A well many a things he imagined. The whole town would be in a tizzy no doubt, his assailant would more than likely cast things of a horrid nature his way, attention would be called, Emma would come…Emma, Emma. He frowned and backed off the matter, his crocodile could wait. For now.

.

* * *

The fleeting glimpses he would catch of her were hardly enough to satiate his thirst to see her face to face, but with the possibility that Cora could show up whenever she damned well pleased he'd just have to keep holding out. She had finally left him to tend to her own business and while his nights were lonely he was glad to be rid of the hag.

A sigh resonated in his chest, his hand resting over his hook while he lay in his bed, ship gently rocking against the dock. He had missed this, the calming sway of the sea and the song of the gulls carrying him off to sleep each night.

His dreams were filled with flashes of golden hair twirling around his sword, lips quirking upward when it was her that had him on his back and it was her turn to lean over him.

_"Told you you'd make a bloody good pirate, love," he winked struggling beneath her grip. She had knocked his sword away and had his arms pinned above his head and her legs were gripping his hips._

_"Scandalous Captain Hook, bested by a girl once more," she smirked. Emma tentatively rolled her hips and leaned in closer, her lips grazing the shell of his ear. "How does it feel?"_

_His breath shuddered and his body jerked__. "You tell me," he breathed, lifting his hips to meet hers, his dark eyes never separating from the beauty above him. "How does it feel, Emma?"_

_Her breath visibly hitched and Hook proudly smirked._

_Emma released one of his arms and brought a hand down to the scruff that lie on his cheek and he pressed into her touch with a sigh. His own hand mirrored her actions and he tucked a curl behind her ear before his hand slid down and settled on her waist, his fingers flitting under the hem and dancing on her warm skin._

_"What are we doing?" she whispered, leaning into him, so close they bumped noses a few times before their lips brushed gently._

_"What we always do, love. We're dancing."_

_"Hook-" Emma's hushed voice warned._

_"Shh, s'all right, darling."_

_"Hook—" her voice called again, faded but still there the same as her touch. Oh, no, no, no, no._

"Hook." Louder now, female, but not his Swan. He groaned and turned over in the bed, covering his head with the pillow.

"HOOK!"

"WHAT?!" He sat up in a rush, tearing his pillow with his hook, sending a flurry of feathers around the room. His chest heaved with each deep breath he took and his eyes angrily scanned his quarters looking for the intruding voice that had disturbed his intriguing slumber.

"Now what type of greeting is that for the one who is about to hand you the tool for seeking your revenge?" Cora clicked her tongue against her teeth. "Tsk, tsk, tsk, my dear Captain, I thought even pirates had better manners."

"What are you saying?" Hook demanded with a snarl.

"Rumplestilskin has devised a potion to enable him to cross the town line without losing his memories. In order for it to work it must be poured onto something he values," Cora's heels clapped against the wood grain as she stepped closer to him, her lips turning upward. "I happen to have information pertaining to said item."

A slow smirk worked its way onto Hook's face and he extended his arm out in a bow towards the desk in the room. "My dear, Cora, sit down, have a drink, I do believe we have much to discuss."

.

* * *

He had the shawl in his possession for hardly any time worth mentioning before that bloody fool of a girl Belle had knocked him in the head with that damned oar. And if that wasn't the worst of his troubles, his crocodile had taken his old man walking stick and had proceeded to whack him with it before attempting to squeeze the life out of him.

Not that he didn't ask for it.

If Rumplestilskin just so happened to kill him in front of his precious Belle, what would she think of him then? Especially having just learned that he had killed his own wife, to spite her for falling in love with a pirate.

The girl was pleading for him to stop and Hook kept on doing what he did best. Always the antagonist. He would suffer the pain, for the outcome of breaking that girl and in turn breaking him would be a well-deserved reward. But it never came, he finally let up, demanded that Hook leave and took his Belle and left. Left! He had the shawl, his heart, everything.

And Hook had nothing.

Nothing but a greater thirst for his revenge and a dark shadow upon his heart. He quickly made his way below deck and went back to retrieve the gun. He would go to the line and wait, wait for his crocodile and undoubtedly the girl. She would most likely wish to bid him goodbye on such a journey. And then, then he would take his revenge, or at least part of it.

.

* * *

Hook wished he hadn't meant to deliberately hit the girl, but he knew better. While it wasn't in his nature to go around shooting women this one held Rumplestilskin's heart, and he had made sure the wound was superficial. Her dear crocodile would tend to her anyhow, even if she wouldn't know his face from anyone else's.

The pirate's eyes gleamed black in the rain. The deed had been done but the darkness inside of him still remained. _Why?_

"Go ahead, Crocodile, do your worst!" he sneered at the man cowering behind the line.

Rumplestilskin moved Belle's body and stood with a clenching fist. "Oh, I intend to."

Hook stood there, watching the ball of fire build atop of the man's palm and yet he did nothing to defend himself. Instead he smiled, a fool's grin, the grin of a man with a tortured soul and a death wish. The Dark One never got his chance to hurl his attack; a pair of headlights appeared, barreling down the road and a series of beeps got Rumplestilskin to roll himself and Belle out of the way before the car took them out.

The weary Captain however was done. Tired of fighting, tired of living, tired of waiting for his second chance at life. This _was his out._ His chance for all the pain to come to an ultimate stop.

With a final twitch of his lips, he jumped.

.

* * *

The sound of her voice was a breath of fresh air, albeit an excruciating painful breath so he mustn't be dead. She came to him first. Despite the others that were there, she chose to come to his aid above them. That had to count for something. At least he hoped it counted for something.

"Hook," his name escaped her lips in a faint whisper as she began to crouch down at his side.

"Hey, beautiful," the pain in his side caused his voice to pitch.

Emma placed a gentle hand over his middle and his hand quickly sought out hers, his fingers curling against the side of her pinky finger.

"And here I didn't think you'd notice-AHH!" the slight pressure she had on him had only made things worse and she pulled her hand away with a frown. _No, no, love, it was worth the pain._ He reached out to her for a moment before his mind got the better of him and he let his hand hover in the air.

"Your ribs are broken," she said with a grimace.

"That must be why it hurts when I laugh," he feigned a smile through the pain. His eyes found gold then and his tact changed.

"Did you see his face? His true love gone in an instant!" Hook began to push himself up, struggling against the ache in his chest and the slickness of the rain; ignoring the fact that Rumplestilskin had been inclosing on him. "Just like Milah, Crocodile, before you took her from me!"

"Not before you took her first," his crocodile countered, giving him a firm kick and sending him down upon his back.

"Gold, are you insane?!" Emma was now attempting to pry the monster from him with the aid of her father.

"Yes. I. Am."

The walking stick was pressed against his chest and he was finding it harder and harder to find the air to breathe. The voices above him were fading in and out in a haze and everything was beginning to feel like a bad memory. His eyes found Emma's and he tried to convey the sorrow he had for leaving her in that cell and leading her on to think she was worthless. He had never meant it when he said he was through with her. He could never be through with her.

The wailing noise of the trucks had finally gotten him to let up, and the Charming duo were now being pulled away to more pressing matters. But she had come to him first; Cora had been wrong this princess had chosen a pirate. Not that her other choices were grand company, but still. Hook smirked, grabbing at his middle and letting the pain carry him off to slumber.

.

* * *

As if it wasn't bad enough to be in such a ridiculous state of dress, (who dressed him anyway? He hoped it wasn't a man), he had awoken shackled to a bed and an uncomfortable one at that and hook-less. But she was there. Emma was perched on the side of his so called bed, so close that he could feel the heat against his leg.

She didn't seem too happy to be on the receiving of his playful wit; even went as far as accusing him of being chipper. _No, darling, not chipper, not in the slightest. _Truth of the matter was he had let everything down at the crash site, shown her a piece of his true self and he didn't quite know how she was going to react to that. Still she didn't scold him for hurting the girl, nor for trying to get his crocodile; she only sat there, staring at him with a hard gaze and demanding answers. He was honest in saying he didn't know where Cora was. She came and went as she pleased; honestly he wished to be rid of her.

"You awful chipper for a guy who just failed to kill his enemy…then got hit by a car," she uttered with a slight eye roll.

"Well, my ribs may be broken but everything else is still intact." Hook gave her a smile and a slight nod of the head. He could have sworn he was imagining things but for just a second a flash of a smile graced her face. "Which is more than can be said for other bad days I've had." He struggled with a breath as he pressed his head back into the pillow. "Plus I did some quality damage to my foe."

"You hurt Belle!"

_Ahhh, there's the scolding I've been waiting for._ "I hurt his heart. Belle is just where he keeps it. He killed my love…I know the feeling." He was letting the wall down again, giving her a small piece of him. Perhaps one day he would tell her of his dear Milah and the pain he had kept buried for so long.

Emma stood and leaned over his bed, her hair brushing his arm and sending goose bumps throughout his flesh. "Keep smiling, buddy. You're chained down, he's on his feet. Immortal, has magic and you hurt his girl. If I were to pick dead guy of the year, I'd pick you."

He smiled at the words. Oh, if she only knew how long he had been dead already. She was staring down at him with a hurt in her eyes, a worry. Surely not for him, what worry would she have for him?

'_I'd pick you."_

Would she? Did she? Was there more to the words behind her warning? Everything that came out of her mouth screamed no but the look in her eyes was crying yes!

He pulled against the shackles again, groaning in pain as he watched her walk away.

"Swan," he called softly to no avail. "Emma, wait!"

She froze in the doorway, keeping her back to him but turning her head slightly, not giving him the pleasure of looking at her completely. "What?" she whispered.

"Four people were at that crash site and you came to me first. Why?" he asked evenly. The Captain knew he wouldn't get a straight answer, but he couldn't just let her walk away, not just yet.

"You were the first one I saw, Hook." Emma swallowed and turned her face away.

"I was damn near in the woods, Swan. Care to try again?"

She took a step backward and shut the door with a faint click before she turned around and strode over to his bedside.

Hook raised his eyebrow, "Waiting for that answer, love."

"Why did you throw that fight?"

He narrowed his eyes. "I asked you first, princess."

Emma smirked, resting her hip on the edge of his bed, "True, but I thought you were a gentleman, and right now, you're not being very…gentlemanly."

"Aye, suppose I'm not, am I?" Hook studied her face for a moment, committing every fine detail to memory in case she chose to bolt. "Your boy. T'would be a crime for the lad to grow up without such a fine mother, some don't have that choice. I didn't want to be responsible for another boy losing his mum."

Emma blinked at him through glossed eyes, licking her lips and pushing out a huffed smile. "Thank you," she breathed.

"Anytime, love," came Hook's quiet reply. "Now I believe I'm owed my answer."

Emma sat with her back straight on the bed and took in a small breath, her bottom lip sucking in between her teeth.

"I…I don't know," she stammered. "Why Cora?"

"That's two questions, darling, and you've had yet to answer my one."

Emma turned her gaze away from his and began to push away from the bed.

"Pirate, lass. I needed transport, she gave it to me," he answered her in a rush to keep her from leaving.

"How?"

"The bean, from the giant."

Emma's mouth dropped open, "But you said—"

"I was wrong, about many a things that day." Hook attempted to lift his head closer to her, grunting in pain as he failed to move hardly a few inches. "My answer, if you please."

Emma took a step closer, her eyes washing over his face with that look of loneliness that he wanted so desperately to take away from her. Her hand came up and hesitantly brushed the hair from his forehead. She expected him to make some smarmy remark, but his pupils only devoured his blue irises and his Adams apple bobbed in his throat. Her fingers trailed down his cheek and gently scraped his stubble before her palm stroked the length of his face.

Hook sighed, his eyes slipping closed as he pressed into her touch, reveling in the softness of her hand upon his skin. A feeling he thought he would never be able to call his own.

Their eyes locked when she withdrew, the pair of them saying nothing, not even a smirk dared come across the pirates face.

"I'm sorry," she muttered, turning her head away.

"Don't be, Emma, not for that." His lips tugged up into a tender smile.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small silver key, continuing on to undo the cuffs that held his hand to the bed. Her thumb grazed the redness from where he had been tugging and she frowned. She didn't know why she had him chained to the bed in the first place, it wasn't like he would be able to walk out of here anytime soon; and if he did, he wouldn't get very far.

His wrist spun around hers and he grabbed hold, slowly turning her hand over, his calloused thumb grazing her skin.

"Hook—"

He continued on with the study of her hand, running his digit over each knuckle, up and down the lines between her fingers.

"I-I should go," she nodded, "yeah, I need to go." Emma went to pull her hand away from his and his grip tightened. His eyes snapped up to hers and he grinned; slowly bringing her hand up to his mouth and placing an openmouthed kiss to its back, allowing his tongue to flick out just for a second to taste her skin. His eyes kept on her, noting the visual shudder she gave off.

"I do hope you'll visit again, love. I overheard something about a sponge bath…That sounded quite lovely," Hook smirked and Emma jerked her hand away.

"I'd hit you, if you weren't already injured."

"And I'd welcome the pain, darling, every second of it."

.

* * *

.

**A/N: OUAT confession 332: deathwish!Hook is my favorite. He's fun to play with. I'm sleepy now. Killy and Emma would love some love before you go...actually Killian would probably like to 'have you' before you go ;) so long as you're game.**

**Killian: "I'm always a gentleman, love."**

**Yes, we're well aware. Goodnight!**

**Shelly!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Knowing**

Henry wouldn't speak but small forced sentences to her.

"Yes. No. I don't know. Not right now." The last in regards to if he wanted to go get some ice cream. He never refused a chance to get ice cream with her. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. _Guess there's a first time for everything. _

Neal on the other hand was getting along with him swimmingly. It was as if Henry, Gold and that pompous ass were rebuilding a family in that damn apartment. Well, Neal still wasn't exactly being friendly to his father, but still.

Fucking Neal. Why did it have to be him? Why couldn't Gold's son have been some poor guy who had been searching for his dad just as bad as he had been searching for his son? Nope, Emma's life didn't work that way. Emma's life was a freaking train wreck. She felt tears pricking the backs of her eyes and grabbed her coat, making her way quickly to the door.

A hand on her arm stopped her. Neal's hand.

"You okay? Where you goin'?" She cursed at the flicker of concern she caught behind his dark eyes. How dare he have any concern for her now. He didn't seem to care when she was locked up all those years ago.

"I'm fine, just need some air." She cast a fleeting glance at Henry, her eyes slipping closed with a shuddering breath.

"He'll come around Em, give him time."

"You don't know a thing about him!" she snapped with a snarl, "Don't you dare think you know him after one lousy day!"

* * *

Emma fled the apartment with a slam and didn't stop until she was a few blocks away, stuffing herself in some alleyway. She pressed her back against the roughness of the brick laden wall and buried her head in her hands, letting the tears of pain and frustration all come out at once. With a cry she spun and kicked at a can in the street sending it clattering down the walkway. She just wanted to go back home. She couldn't even say she wanted things to go back to normal, because what the fuck was normal anymore? She was living in a world filled with fictional characters and it seemed that by the minute they were weaving their way into her family tree.

Holidays were going to be a real treat.

Emma strolled the streets of the busy city; she wished she could say she was window shopping but she found herself watching the passing families more. She had a family now. Snow, David and Henry…god forbid Gold in some twisted way. She didn't want to keep Neal from Henry's life, she had no intentions of that after seeing how angry he got. She just wanted to keep him out of hers. That part of her journey was done, that ship had sailed long ago.

* * *

It was near dusk when she made her way back to Neal's building; tightening her jacket around her as the air grew chilly. She walked into the foyer and noted the tall looming figure pressing someone against the wall. Long leather coat nearing the floor, dark hair, the light catching the glint in the earring that dangled in his ear…_Oh no. That could only mean the man beneath him was either Gold…or Neal._

"Hook?" Emma breathed.

Hook's head snapped around, blue eyes going wide before they softened apologetically. "Swan."

She closed the distance between them and jerked him away from the man, ignoring his protests of pain when she shoved him aside. Gold was lying there with a hand over the hole in his chest, blood seeping through his shirt. She took a glance to the bloodied hook that the pirate was now wiping off on his sleeve while he kept his eyes on her.

"You're going to be okay?" She whispered to him before turning on Hook.

"The bloody hell he is," Hook muttered before she slammed him against the wall.

"What were you thinking?! Do you know what they can do to you here! This place…this place is different, Hook, you won't just get a slap on the wrist."

Hook grabbed her arm and spun her around, pinning her to the wall, keeping her there by placing the curved end of his hook along her collar bone. "What I was thinking, Swan, is that it was time to finish this bloody thing! And here you are to save the day." Hook leaned in, bringing his face dangerously close to hers and dropping his voice, "But you know what, Emma, in the end, you can't save everyone, not him, and especially not me."

"We _need _him, Hook. He's the only chance we have against Cora, you know that!"

The sound of someone coming down the stairs had them both in a standoff.

"You need to go, hide. They can't find you here." Emma pleaded, pushing her free hand against his chest. "Hook, go."

He shook his head. "No. A coward I am not, Emma. Leave you to take the fall?" he snorted, "Not very gentlemanly, is it?"

"Kil-"

"Emma! What the hell is going on down here?" Neal's body came around the corner, his eyes narrowed on the pirate still holding her to the wall.

"Oh my god, Hook?"

"Bae…son," Gold's raged voice called from the ground.

"What have you done?!" Neal whispered rushing over to his father and placing his hand over the wound.

"You knew this day would come, Bealfire. I wasn't discreet in my plans all those years ago. I'm truly sorry you had to witness it however." Hook released his hold on Emma and placed a hand on Neal's shoulder.

Neal stood quickly and grabbed him by the coat and slammed into the wall, "You son of a bitch! He's still my father!"

"And he still murdered your mother!"

"You never said you were going to kill him!" Neal argued with another slam to the wall.

_Oh this was growing more and more fucked up as the day grew._ "Neal stop! Let him go."

Neal's eyes flickered over to Emma's and Hook took the moment to drop Neal to the ground and press his hook to the hallow of his throat.

"What part of _skin_ didn't you understand, boy? Have you forgotten who I am."

Neal's chest was heaving as the pirate straddled him, his brown eyes wide and his skin a significant shade paler than it had been seconds before.

"Hook," Emma drew out warningly. He ignored her call and pressed the hook into his flesh until a bead of blood pebbled on his flesh.

"KILLIAN STOP!"

Hook froze, the air refusing to find way to his lungs as he fell to the side of the man beneath him and shuffled over to the wall. His head fell back against the concrete, his eyes unable to tear away from her. She was helping the former lost boy to his feet and assisting him in getting the crocodile to the stairs. When they were gone she came back and crouched down in front of him.

"I'm assuming you sailed here, on your ship?"

He had no words for her now; no snarky reply dared cross his lips. Hook simply nodded.

"Alone? No Cora? I really need to trust you right now?" Hook closed his eyes and blew out a pained breath. Not for his injured ribs, but for ache that was tugging on his soul. _That's all I've ever wanted, love._

Again he nodded.

"Good. You're taking us home. All of us. I understand you probably don't want Gold on your ship, but if he dies the chances are we all do. Cora needs to be put down, and that can't be done without Gold's help. Understand?"

He stared at her, unblinking. She really wanted that thing to ride along with him on his ship, for him to put his revenge on hold simply because she asked him of it. He had been waiting three hundred years for this moment, so why hadn't he already denied her request.

Simple. She had said his name, his true name, the name of a man long dead. But when the word fell from her lips time had frozen. Hearing it made his blood churn with a wanton need to be whole again, he thought what it might be like to hear it accompanied with a moan in a moment of passion.

"Hook, do you understand?" she repeated.

He sighed, such a thought would most likely only occur in a dream. Especially after the current events. He nodded in agreement, shocked by the smile he received.

"Good." Emma reached out her hand to help him up. He held on a little longer than necessary upon standing, his mouth twitching up into a small smile. "Come, I'll get you some ice for your ribs, they must be sore. Then we'll be on our way."

.

* * *

Nobody had said much of anything to one another even after they boarded the Jolly Roger. Hook led them down below deck and pointed out what had previously been the crew's quarters. Neal helped Emma with getting Gold into the closet room and lying him down onto one of the beds.

"You can stay here," he said gruffly, "plenty of room for each to have his own, although I imagine Swan will want to stay with her boy."

"I'll take my own room, thanks," Henry said quietly, brushing past them all and into one of the rooms slamming the door behind him. If Emma hiding Neal's existence wasn't a big enough blow, her defending Hook after he had threatened his father and went after Gold didn't help either. Emma shot a pained look at the door and made to go after him.

"Em-" Neal dropped a hand on her shoulder and held her back.

She roughly shrugged him off, "Don't, don't you dare," she huffed, blinking away the threatening tears. She gave the door in front of her a remorseful glance before she turned and began to hurry away to the upper decks. She felt the Hook snag around her elbow and she pivoted to see him looking down at her with questioning eyes. With her head hung low she placed a hand on his arm and gently removed the hook, shaking her head with a sigh, her fingertips brushing away the tear that had crept down the side of her face. With that she left, not wanting to be in the presence of any of them, trapped inside that corridor of guilt.

* * *

"It was you," Hook voiced with a quiet realization after her footsteps dissipated. "I don't know what exactly you've done to her, but she's broken inside. It'll take someone willing to fight to break down that barrier you helped construct, but it will fall, and when it does she'll let him in piece by piece until she's whole again. He won't be worthy, but he'll be willing, and that is much more than you can say." Hook took a step closer and dragged his hook down the wood grain beside Neal's head, "Now I suggest you tend to that lousy excuse of a man that you call your father for the night and stay out of my sight."

Hook went to make his leave when Neal's voice stopped him on the steps.

"Why did you agree to bring us back?"

"She asked me to," Hook replied softly, turning his head back to the boy he once knew.

Neal gave the pirate a dark chuckle, "The fearsome Captain Hook, persuaded by a pretty blonde. I guess some things never change."

Hook closed his eyes, not bothering to face the petulant man standing on his ship. His voice dark and hardly above a whisper, "If I were you I'd be grateful for the blood that runs in your veins, your heritage and Emma's request is the _only_ thing keeping me from sticking you where you stand. It'd do you good to remember it."

* * *

Emma sat upon a crate not far from the bow, watching as the ship pushed through the water gently. Fresh tear marks were trailed down her cheeks and had left little splatters of dampness on her shirt, but she was past the point of caring. Henry still wasn't speaking to her, Neal was still trying to form some type of reconciliation and Hook had went and shut up as well. _Maybe that last was for the best, she didn't need his suggestive attitude right now._ She shivered in the cool sea breeze and sniffed as the last bit of tears found their ways over her cheeks.

"You're rightly bound to catch a cold out here, darling," she heard the smoothness of his voice before she felt the blanket being draped over her shoulders. "Might I join you?" She refused to look at him; the last thing she wanted him to see was her weakness. Emma nodded, pulling the blanket in tighter around her. They sat in silence, the warmth of his thigh pressing against hers on the small space of the crate. Hook leaned back and let his head rest on the railing, looking up to the stars.

"Tell me about him, love." It wasn't a question, nor was he demanding, he just genuinely wanted to know, and was hoping she was trusting enough to let him in just a bit.

"Hook," she shifted to look at him and his head lulled to the side, gentle blue eyes meeting her sad ones.

"I know it was him, Emma, your love. What did he do?" He sat up and turned so they faced each other, "The Emma Swan I met is a fighter, she doesn't spend her time pining over the hearts of men." He lifted his hand and traced the tear trail on her rosy cheek with his thumb. "Surely the man to bring her to tears isn't worthy of them."

Her lips were pursed to keep them from trembling and the new tears that had begun to build were now seeping out and he was quick to wipe the first wave away.

"He…he…" she shook her head and covered her face with her hands as the memories flooded her mind.

Hook scooted closer and wrapped his arm around her shoulder and was surprised when she collapsed into his chest, her arms easily slipping around his middle. He ran his hand from her head down to her back, over and over, whispering soothing murmurs into her hair.

"Shh, s'all right, love, I've got you…I've got you, shh." He held his broken Swan until the tears had stopped, rocking her on that crate until he thought she had all but fallen asleep in his arms. But then her arms moved. she didn't exactly let go, she just moved them from his back to rest on his chest. Hook's lips gave a twitching smile at the motion, but he didn't dare speak. He didn't want to ruin this moment.

"He abandoned me," she whispered suddenly. "Left me so I would get sent to prison, was forced to have my kid in there and then give him up. I wasn't ready to be a mother, maybe I'm still not. Henry won't even speak to me."

"Emma, look at me," she pushed back and he tilted her chin up with the curve of his hook, brushing her hair from her face. "You wanted nothing but to get back to him when we ventured up that beanstalk. You left me there because you thought I might stray your chances, and don't think I didn't hear you tell that other one to chop it down if we didn't make it in time. If that doesn't sound like a mother that loves her son, I don't know what does. He'll come around, love, just give him time."

"I told him his father was dead, Hook. I lied to him! He compared me to Regina for Christ's sake! He might as well have ripped my heart out."

Hook breathed a laugh, shaking his head at her as he ran his thumb down her cheek. "He's a _boy_, Emma. Boys say hurtful things when upset, this much I know. Henry loves you; he'd be a fool not to." His smile faltered and he let his hand fall from her face and into his lap.

Emma's breath caught in her throat at his small admission, not missing the sadness that pooled in his ocean colored eyes. He'd been rather attentive to her lately, and overly submissive. Something caused him to change his demeanor, but she was sure he'd be back before long. She'd go back to not being able to stand in the same space as him without arguing or drawing a sword. Yet when he held her moments ago she had felt so safe.

"Why did you come, Hook?"

"You know very well why I came, lass. Didn't expect a family reunion, to be honest." He chided with a raised brow.

"Then why did you give in to me so easily? Why not finish it?" she challenged.

He sighed and turned his head up to the stars with a voiced sigh, "Emma-"

"Right, I see. Get me to spill the beans but when I ask you a simple question…nothing." She held up her hands in a shrug and let them fall to her legs in a slap, pushing herself up and walking away from him.

Hook ran his hand through his hair and groaned, shoving himself off the crate and storming after her. "You said my name!" he yelled, pointing a finger at her. When she turned her mouth was hanging open and her brow furrowed in confusion. "You said my bloody name, Swan," he strode up to her until their toes were almost touching and bent his head so it was even with hers, "that's why."

Emma shook her head, "I don't understand."

"Milah. When he took her heart, ripped it out in front of me and she fell into my arms, I died that day, Emma; Killian Jones was no more. Only the blood thirsty vengeful Hook remained."

"Hook-"

He silenced her with a finger to the lips. "But you, you worked your way under my bloody skin, and when I heard my name coming from your mouth…I knew,"

His nose brushed hers before their foreheads touched and he pressed against her with an almost painful look on his face. His hand resting on her hip while his hook rested around her back and her hands settled on his chest.

"Knew what?" she whispered, pulling back so she could get a proper look at him. His eyes blinked in succession and his mouth fell open, making small sounds but never forming complete words.

"Killian-"

He pressed his lips to hers; shuddering when she gave a small mew into his mouth and her fingers flitted over the scruff on his cheek and worked their way into his hair. He went to release her only to have her lips be the ones claiming his now her hands tugging him closer and her tongue sliding in over his. It sent a fire throughout his body like nothing other he had ever experienced before, something he never wanted to let go of. He wondered if she had felt it to; this spark. She was leading them backward and he had tumbled into a seating position on a barrel, her hands cradling his face. She broke the kiss, gliding her thumb across the scar on his cheek.

"I knew that you were always meant to say it," he said softly with a shy smile.

Emma gave him a sly smile, leaning in and brushing her lips against the shell of his ear, "Killian," she whispered, planting a kiss to his neck. She sat up and pressed a kiss to his forehead, her lips muttering against his skin, "Killian." She moved on to each cheek dragging her lips slowly across the stubble before uttering his name softly. His eyes were closed and his chest was moving in a steady rise and fall.

"Emma," he groaned, a hand gripping her waist and his hook in the loop of her jeans.

She smirked, holding down his arms when her lips finally landed on his and she hummed gladly into him. Her tongue darted out to give him just a taste before she pulled away slightly. "Goodnight, Killian," she grinned against his lips.

She straightened to walk away and upon turning his hook snagged another loop.

"Oi! Wait just a moment, Swan!"

She took a step and found herself face down on the deck, his hook tearing through the material with ease when she wiggled.

"Damnit, Hook! You ripped my pants!"

He was by her side quickly to extend a hand in helping her up with a smirk, "The way you were carrying on that wasn't all that was going to be ripped."

Emma groaned and slid her hand into his, his arms sliding down to her lower back in an embrace once she was standing. "Now where were we?"

Hook dipped his head and she stopped him with an open hand to his lips.

"I can't. Not like this," she shook her head, "I shouldn't have even-"

"Stop," he cut her off with a firm even tone. "I'm not him, Emma. I'm not going anywhere, love and I can wait. I'd fight for you; I'll always fight for you." He released her, taking hold of her hand and with a bow he pressed his lips to her knuckles. "Goodnight, fair princess."

Emma's mouth pulled upward into a grin as he made way to the bow. His hand splayed out along the rail and hook secured along his back, his coat fluttering in the breeze, his silhouette a sight to see in the moonlight. There was more to him than a dreaded pirate Captain, at the moment he sure as hell didn't look dreaded, he looked, dare she say…majestic. He was just as jaded as she, if not more so.

"_In the end, you can't save everyone, not him, and especially not me." _

But she was going to save Gold, wasn't she? And she wasn't going to give up on that blasted pirate either. After all, he had said he'd fight for her, why couldn't she fight for him as well? She'd had a taste of Killian jones and she sure as hell wasn't just going to let him sink away into nothingness.

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* * *

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**A/N: You ever want to lose a lifetime...go visit the captain swan tag over on tumblr. It's inescapable. Killy got some lovin' now can I?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Swordplay**

Things had gotten too close with Hook…Killian; whatever the name, the damned pirate was still an infuriating storm building in her mind. Emma wasn't blinded by his fuel for vengeance, she could see the tortured soul of the man that was buried deep down inside.

Killian. A man who had everything ripped from him in an instant. She hadn't known the whole story, but she knew the look, for it was all too familiar.

* * *

"We should have taken him to a hospital in New York," Neal's gruff voice came from her doorway. He stood propped up against the frame, hands in his pockets and a frown pulling down on his lips.

"And Hook? What was I to do with him? Hmm?" Emma laughed darkly, "Couldn't exactly bring him along could I? I'm sure that would have went over real well. No this was the only way. The Jolly Roger will get us everyone back quickly and in one piece."

"You're defending him," Neal scoffed. "Emma do you have any idea what he is capable of?!" His voice dropped to a harsh whisper.

"I'm not—" she drug a hand down the length of her face and sighed, "Look, he's alive isn't he? Things could have ended up being much, much worse."

Neal took a step into her room, shutting the door behind him. He crossed over to her bending down until he was level with her face from her seat on the bed, his hands pressing into his knees.

"And why didn't it? Tell me why the dreaded Captain stopped; suddenly at that." Neal's eyebrow curved, "Seems he has a soft spot after all."

Emma turned her face from his, "I'd like you to leave now," she said softly.

"Come now, Em," he whispered while the back of his fingers stroked her cheek, "What's a pirate got that I don't?"

Emma's eyes snapped back to his, her lips forced into a tight line at the sight of the smug grin on his face. She gave him a rough push to the shoulders, sending him stumbling backwards across the room. "OUT NOW!"

Neal sucked his teeth and shook his head, "I wasn't aware murder got your gears going, Em. Seems like I was in the wrong business."

"Three hundred years, Neal. That's how long he has been waiting, planning and searching for the man that took away his life. THREE HUNDRED YEARS! You gave me up to the fucking cops, with a baby, and never looked back!"

A triple knock rapped on her door.

"I didn't know about the baby, Emma. Oh, and that man happens to be my father, by the way, or did you forget. He tried to kill my father! And for what? Because he took away his hand? I would hardly compare the loss of a hand to the loss of life."

"He killed your mother, Neal!"

Neal scoffed, "According to who? Hook? I know all about how he blames my father for her death, so if by not stopping her from going to sea with a bunch of blood thirsty pirates got her killed than yes…I suppose he is responsible."

It had never occurred to her that Neal didn't exactly know what had happened to Milah after she left. She hadn't taken the time to think that Hook would have spared the details to a boy about the tragic demise of his mother. But now that she had heard his admissions she realized that he did just that, that Killian Jones had spared the feelings of a boy to protect him.

"Emma, is everything alright?" Hook's voice called from the other side of the door.

"Your father isn't exactly a good man, _Baelfire_. You said so yourself," she said the words with a hushed snarl. "I'm fine!" she hollered at the door.

Neal smirked, "That was a long time ago. He doesn't deserve to die."

"And he's not going to; now please leave."

"Emma—"

"OUT!" she yelled while thrusting a finger towards the now open doorway that held a weary eyed pirate.

Neal stood his ground, his eyes bouncing between the pair of them. "What happens when we get back? What about Henry?"

Emma's breath caught in her throat, her eyes slipping closed as she tried to wash away the anger that was building inside of her. _Why wouldn't he just go away?_

"I believe the lass asked you to leave," Hook calmly stated while toying with the end of his hook.

"And _I believe_ we're having a conversation," Neal bit back. "Not that it's any of your concern, _Hook._"

"Ah, but it is. See, lad, this here is my ship, and as Captain of this ship I make the demands and you follow them…or don't you remember," Hook smirked lazily.

"You sunuva—" Neal rushed forward only to be slammed back onto the ground; not by his former acquaintance but by Emma.

Neal got to his feet and made an effort to go after the pirate again and Emma spun in front of them, un-sheathing the sword from said pirates side and pointing it in his direction.

"I said go," she might have whispered but the demand behind her voice was poignant.

"Right," Neal pushed out a dark chuckle, side stepping Emma. She lowered the sword but kept her glare fixated on him.

Hook smirked as the man passed by, dragging his feet along the deck until his door was sealed with a slam.

Emma groaned, letting all the air escape from her lungs, turning to replace the borrowed weapon back to where it came from.

"You know, love, if you wanted to get your hands on my sword you only had to say so."

Emma blinked, a dead stare on her face for a moment that was far too long before she simply rolled her eyes. "I need a drink."

"Atta, lass," he grinned, "I said once before you'd make one hell of a pirate."

* * *

Reluctantly she took him up on his offering to accompany him in his quarters for that drink. She might have tossed away her token to remind her not to trust but that didn't mean the thoughts didn't still linger. He was a pirate after all; logic would say he's not to be trusted.

Emma knocked back the amber liquid that appeared in front of her, nodding at him to hit her with another. She enjoyed the slow burn it provided as it passed through her body and pooled in her belly. She licked her lips and let out a breath, taking a seat on the bed. Her elbows went to her knees and she cradled her head in her hands.

Hook propped himself against the desk on the opposite side of the room, observing her with a cautious smirk fixated on his face.

"You sure you're not a pirate, darling?"

Emma's head rolled in her hands and she narrowed her gaze. "How exactly do you know Neal?"

Hook scoffed, "That, love, might be a tale better saved for another time." He poured her another drink, his fingers brushing hers briefly when he passed her the tumbler.

"Aw, what's wrong? Big bad Captain Hook afraid he's going to break me?" She stuck out her lower lip in a mocking pout.

"Oh, I'm plenty bad, princess, you can attest for that." He tossed back his own drink and let the glass hit the desk top with a thud. "Besides, Emma, I'm afraid you're already broken." The smile that stretched across his lips was laced with sadness as was the sigh he let out before he turned away from her.

"Killian, please," Emma whispered, standing from the bed and approaching the brooding Captain. She lifted her hands and set them on his shoulders and he stiffened under her touch. She ran her hands half way down his back before she rested her head just under his shoulder blades.

"Please." She kneaded her fingers against the cool leather vest. "You're not so together yourself you know."

She felt his body bounce with a breathy chuckle against her. "No. I'm not." He turned and immediately Emma backed away. Hook frowned slightly before sweeping an arm at the chair beside him. She sat as he quickly downed another drink and perched himself on the desk's edge.

"He found me, actually. Sometime after I landed in Neverland, those pesky lost boys always pestering me and the crew; but not Baelfire. No. He would wait in the shadows, watching with curious eyes, not quite fitting in with the others." Hook sighed, his head dropping low. "I knew who he was immediately. How could I not? He was his father in so many ways but his eyes held so much of her to be ignored." He didn't bother pouring the alcohol into the bottle this time when he took a long pull.

"I took him in. Told myself it was to get back at the Crocodile, getting in good with the one son he had lost. But I was only fooling myself, him being there only gave me some peace of mind that I still had some part in her life. Only there was no peace, it was driving me mad inside. The thirst for revenge had never been so strong. So I left." He subconsciously rubbed the mark on his inner arm with the back of his hook. "And now I see he's turned into his father. A coward."

"He doesn't know does he? That Gold…" Emma paused, wincing at the thought of carefully choosing her next words. She didn't have to.

"What? Killed his mother? The woman that _that monster_ claimed as his wife?" Hook scoffed, laughing bitterly, "No. He doesn't. From what I'm aware he thinks she was killed while at sea. I never thought he would leave; why hurt the lad even more?"

"But you told him Gold was responsible."

Hook's eyes turned dark as they met hers, "He didn't fight for her, Emma, he let her go. Regardless what tale the boy knows _he is responsible!_" He replied angrily, slamming his hand on the desk, his hook sticking in the top of the wood.

The chair scraped along the floor as she stood, crossing the space between them and laying a gentle hand on his arm. "But not you," she coaxed softly, "It wasn't your fault she was unhappy or that she chose you."

Hook turned his face to hers and Emma found herself drowning in an ocean of pain and sorrow. "It's not your fault that she died, Killian. You have to let go of that, she wouldn't want you spending your life in misery."

"You just want to protect him. After all this time you're going to stop me?" He rasped.

"No," Emma shook her head, the hand on his arm sliding down to his hook and taking hold the curve. "I want to forget about this," she lifted her other hand and rested it on his chest, "and get to know this."

"_That_ is dead."

"It's not, I can feel it. And sometimes, like tonight, I can see it. You're still in there, Killian."

He yanked his hook from the wood of the desk and turned from her touch, stalking away from her. "Well, you're the only one."

"Maybe, but you said you'd fight for me; am I not allowed to do the same?"

Hook froze at the cabin door, his head cocking down and to the side to glimpse her out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm not worth fighting for, love," he uttered quietly with a hint of regret in his voice. He pushed the door open and let it swing closed behind him, leaving Emma alone in his room.

"That's not for you to decide, you stupid pirate," she sighed to herself, helping herself to another drink.

* * *

Emma found his quarters to be quite comforting. Perhaps that's why she decided to lie down on his bed rather than retreat to her own room. Surrounded in the scent of leather and rum and sea, everything that embodied Killian. It was plenty big, with its fluffy feather pillows and a mattress that seemed to soothe every ache she had ever known. It didn't take long for her eyes to close on their own and for Emma to be lost in a sweet rum induced slumber.

She didn't wake when the Captain returned to his cabin. His mouth fell open both shocked and confused at why the Swan girl had taken up residence in his bed. He had thought about moving her, but she had lied down on her own accord, she chose to be there, so why bother moving her now. He went to the sleeping princess in his bed and sat by her side, admiring how at ease she looked when her mind wasn't putting up all those walls.

He brushed the hair from her forehead and swept down, gently pressing his lips to her brow. She had lived a fraction of the life he had and been through just as much pain, just as much suffering. "You shouldn't have to fight for anyone but yourself," he whispered, allowing his hand to run down the length of her cheek. With a soft smile he stood and adjusted the chair behind the desk appropriately and propped his feet atop the pile of maps. Here he was, pirate Captain and being forced into giving up his own bed for a creaky chair. His head lulled back and he crossed his arms over his chest, letting the waves rock him to sleep.

Emma stretched her arms over her head with a yawn and a smile on her face. Last night had been wonderful; it had been a long time since she had slept so well. And then she opened her eyes and realized she was still in his room, his cabin, his bed.

Her head snapped to the side, expecting to see a creeping pirate snoozing beside her but shockingly found the space empty. She should have been relieved, but somewhere deep down she felt a tiny bit of…disappointment. She shuddered at the mere thought, sitting up and pushing her hair behind her shoulders. She heard the soft snores before her eyes landed on the man across the room. Sprawled out in his chair, one foot on the desk, his arms hanging lazily at his sides and his mouth slightly agape.

Emma smirked, tip-toeing over to where the sleeping pirate lie, or in this case sat. She pondered waking him, not so sure of how he would react. While she was sure he wouldn't hurt her there was still the matter of the hook that was firmly attached to one of those dangling arms.

"Hook!" Her tone was hushed and did nothing to affect him. She quickly poked at his shoulder, chuckling when he only batted her hand away with his. She smiled down at his face, drawn in by how much younger he looked while at rest, all the worry wiped free as if he had started anew each night. She raised a tentative hand and brushed her hand through the hair at the top of his head.

"Mmm, tell me Swan, what's it going to take to get you to wake me up like this every morning?" A single blue eye peeked open to stare at her reddening cheeks while a smirk formed on his lips. "Hmm? Bashful now, are we? No matter, I'll just have to relish in the memory." Hook sat up, groaning as he stretched out his limbs.

"I thought you were sleeping," she grumbled.

"Pirate," he winked. "Besides, it was you who took it upon yourself to sleep in my bed. How you expected me to sleep soundly from way over here, I have no idea."

Emma couldn't help but laugh, "Actually, I was surprised I didn't wake up to next to you."

Hook stood, bending slightly so that his face was level with hers, grasping her chin with his hand and tilting it towards him. Her breath hitched but she made no move to escape.

"As tempting as it might have been, love, might I remind you that I'm always a gentleman." His breath danced across her skin, still reminiscent of spice and rum.

"Always, Killian?" She questioned with an arched brow.

"Aye, unless you ask different of me." He brushed his nose against hers, his eyes falling closed and his hand sliding down her arm.

"I should go check on Henry," she swallowed.

"And I have a ship to attend to," he said with an upward twitch of the lips. "Seems we both have places to be."

Emma nodded quickly, taking a slow step back, unsure what to think of the look of rejection he was wearing on his face.

"Shame, that." Hook sighed and removed himself from her personal space, turning to grab his coat from the back of the chair. "I was quite enjoying your company."

* * *

Hook stood at the helm; Storybrooke appearing in the distance and someone approaching at his back. Much too heavy a step to be the young lad, much too soon to be his Swan, and the Crocodile was…well he was worse fore wear and his steps would be sure to falter. So what was it that young Baelfire wanted this morning?

"Hey."

Hook simply met his eyes and gave him a simple nod. After the exchange they shared last night the last thing he wanted to do was say something he would regret.

"Have you seen Emma, I wanted to apologize for last night. I might have found one of your rum stashes in my room and well…you know the rest." Neal met the pirate's eyes for a second, before looking away, his hands fidgeting behind his back.

"What makes you think she would want to speak with you?" Hook's cool voice replied.

Neal sighed, running a hand through his hair and coming around the wheel to look at the captain. "Look, I know what I did was wrong, I get that, but you're no prince either."

"Quite not," Hook smirked.

"I did it for her! I did it so she could find her purpose, to get her family back!"

"No, you did it because you were afraid. Afraid of what might happen if you fought to keep her, if you ventured down that road together and faced your cowardly father."

"Stay away from her. She doesn't need any more hurt in her life, especially from the likes of you." Neal sneered.

"Too right, Swan got quite enough of that when you left her with child in a prison cell." Hook's grip tightened on the wheel as he leaned closer, his face nearly pressing to Neal's, "I had hoped you wouldn't turned out like him…but I was wrong." Hook glanced over his shoulder at the steps leading to his confines and the blasted woman that wouldn't let his mind rest.

"She's in my cabin, or she was when she woke there this morning. I assume she's gone to check on young Henry by now."

Hook didn't bother to hide his grin when Neal's face paled, anger flashing behind his dark eyes and his lips pressing into a tight thin line. She wouldn't appreciate him spilling her whereabouts last night, especially when he knew the lad would think the worst was implied (or in his mind the best), but the little pest was trying his patience this morning.

Neal took a step forward and then back again, rethinking his decision to bow up to the man before him. It may have been centuries ago, but he was quickly reminded of the mentor of his past with a sharp raise of hook's questioning eyebrows.

"Run along now, lad, and tell dear Emma we'll be docking within the hour."

Neal sunk back against the railing and began making his way down the steps, tossing a glance to the ever still Captain as he went below. He recognized the look behind the man's icy eyes, the same look he got whenever he would speak of his beloved mother. And then there was the way he looked at her, when Emma wasn't aware he was watching. When she grabbed the sword from Hook's side the only thing that passed through his face was pure wanton desire.

He came to Henry's door, finding it cracked with Emma and their son talking in hushed tones upon the bed. He knocked once before pushing the door open and sticking his head inside.

"We'll be there soon, an hour at most."

Emma nodded, but no words were said. Just a blank stare between the two.

A sullen smile passed over Neal's face as he quietly closed the door upon exiting. It would seem Hook was right after all, she had no desire to speak with him. He had to set things right. With his father, with Emma, most of all with Henry, and when he was done he would make sure that damned pirate would keep away from his family.

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* * *

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**A/N: I've been a busy lass, MRI's and such, that and I've had other Killy fic feels that won't go away so I'll probably start that in the near future. I apologize for making Neal a super douche. I really do like him in a way (don't hate me either way). I feel he can't exactly help how he came out, and this weeks episode broke my heart, especially when he told Rumple he was still angry. So you got a mini peek into Neal's head Wolfcub004, I hope you enjoyed. Enough gibber jabber now! Leave some lovely words in that box down there and have yourselves a lovely night...or day, depending.**

**Shelly**


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